Passion Vs. Practicality

Grace Period is over.

For those who don’t know, either because you paid for your entire education or your parents handle all your money, your Grace Period is a euphemism for: YOU HAVE 6 MONTHS TO FIND A JOB. During this 6-month time period, you are expected to find a stable income, which will hereafter allow you to pay off monthly student loans.

Truthfully, Grace Period was over on November 15th of 2010. However, I write this post now because Sallie Mae didn’t start withdrawing from my bank account until this month.

*sigh*

I vowed to myself that I would pay off my student loans without my parents help. Thus far I was able to pay December. Substitute teaching has saved me enough to pay January. But after?

I am in a dilemma between what I want to do, versus making enough money to live a lifestyle without debt.

As an unpaid Production Assistant at the Globe, this internship only reinstates that I am meant to be in the theatre. It is the one location where I have never gotten tired of being indoors all day. Though I am making coffee, photocopying scripts, and lifting props, I know it means something when I can say I love what I'm doing.

Unfortunately, reality tells me theatre will not provide enough to pay a year’s worth of tuition over 25 years, plus an apartment, plus a car, plus living expenses and whatever else I'll need.

I am worried, wanting to perform and live and breathe theater, but afraid I cannot make enough in this field to execute my life the way I want and to pay off my dues.

It is this common debate between passion and practicality. We all struggle with this, do we not?

Professional Transformation: The (Female) Suit

"If you buy the clothes, the interviews will come."

This is what Mama told me everyday when I got home from college. True enough, after I bought my first business skirt and black shoes, I was offered the substitute teaching position.

Recently a friend of mine went suit shopping. HURRAAYYY. Here's her story, with a few tips on buying your first female suit:

Today was a big day. I bought: my first suit. Enter business world.

I graduated from in-college to young-professional. My sister-in-law accompanied me to various shops, advising me on my new curriculum. And looking in the mirror each time gave me a little more confidence. My brother and I had a chat about interviews and first impressions. He mentioned that, for better or worse, people are judged on their appearance. There was the girl who came in a red skirt with polka dots – her new name became Minnie Mouse. There was the woman who came dressed like a Gypsy – her name was “The Gypsy” (I mean no offense). Then there was the man who came in a suit: nice black pants, tie, and jacket. He wound up getting the job. So...no pressure.

Now, I don't know how many of you have small feet. But I think I win. I am a size 5. Stores generally don't like to stock below a size 6. Of the 25 acceptable shoes we tried, maybe 4 had an available size 5. I went somewhere else, asked for some shoes in a size 5, and got that “oooh/we pity you/sorry-but-not” look. But there was success. I found some really nice brown pumps (aka “heels”) that are a half-size up from my little 5s but are so padded and comfortable (and fit! I guess they run small) that nothing else can compare [women's hint: SoftSpot]. Okay. Brown shoes: check. Black shoes: pending.

The suit. The one item every gal needs. Elizabeth Taylor Loft had all three pieces (jacket, pants, skirt) in a size that actually fit me. In case the size-5-reference was not enough, I am small. I am teeny. I am five feet tall and just little. So finding clothes small enough is hard too. In some ways, because of my size, I need to find even more professional clothes so that people take me seriously. I am zero there. Next shop: White House Black Market. Ehhh. They have very lovely party dresses, but their style is, for me, not “take me seriously!” enough. Banana Republic. Wow. Double zero there. But, I found all three pieces. They all fit. But...could use a minor adjustment here, would my heels catch the hem? Price?

Here is the advice my sister-in-law gave me. Right now, I am looking for any job to get me in somewhere - looking. So why go higher price? When I have a steady job and can afford it, then I can go buy that other suit if I need it. We took a picture at BN and went back to Elizabeth Taylor Loft to try that on again, and compare prices. Perfection. [Hint 2: Put things on hold. Stores usually give you 24 hours, and then you can run around the mall and decide. Also, without carrying around a ton of bags.]

Ladies, this is big purchase. I have not been “professional” shopping...since...

These things cost a lot. So, opt in for the store card offer that gets you 15% off. Pay it off right away, and keep the card or not (your finances are your matter). But my total for all three pieces was a little less than $200 – which is amazing. So go for it. Besides, you might need more coupons from them later.

Next: “shells” for under the suit jacket. This was a harder course. I thought that the only shirts acceptable under a suit were collared, button-down shirts. Not true! No, there are a lot more options. The only thing anyone can see under the suit is a small V section of the shirt beneath. Colors, patterns, anything bright – but collars aren't a must. The shirt doesn't have to have much in the way of sleeves, since no one will see them anyway. [Hint 3: Shells are a term for shirts underneath a suit. Hint 4: Black suits go with anything, so go for bright shells and necklaces]

The Dating World of The Real World: Advice 101

Bars and clubs: the frats and parties of the Real World. The locations where one is expected to dress up and “meet people.” You label it a “good night” if you meet someone attractive and get their number, a “bad night” if you didn’t meet anyone at all.

I miss my college night life when our bars were filled with people we knew, when frat basements were really our clubs, and dorm rooms could fit massive amounts of people in them to be labeled as fire hazards. If you had a crush on someone, you knew where to find them and you knew you would “accidentally run into them” by the end of the night.

None of that exists anymore. Out in the Real World you walk into a bar or club and don’t know anyone. If you have a crush on someone it’s only because they are good-looking, and you have to think of a pick up line to see if they can hold a conversation. The other option is to play cat and mouse, and because others are competing by doing the same thing, there is no guarantee you’re the mouse they really want to talk to…

Thank god I avoid looking for my future husband when it comes to my Real World night life. Though I have heard stories of happily married couples that happened to meet at such locations, I personally can’t say I plan to do the same. The picture of me scurrying around while a cat stalks me is not my cup of “cheese.”

So how do you meet people??

Recently I took Oil Painting, Spanish, and Improvisation classes. I found out I’m a skilled oil painter who just needs more experience, a beginner Spanish speaker who can whip out “Me llamo Hana, Como se llama?” and that I absolutely adore the challenge of getting up on stage and making stuff up on the spot. I MET PEOPLE. And sure I went on a few dates. But that's besides the point.

The classes were the best; they truly provided something to look forward to each week. I especially bonded with my improvisation class because it was filled with young adults like me who sought to break out of their comfort zones and have a good time. It became a tradition to grab food, a few beers, and see a show after class. The best part is that we range completely in age, what we're doing, and what we want to do - but we share the love for comedy and inspiration to get better. It's a support group! It's just not anonymous ... yet.

So if you have time amidst your busy work/(or non-work) schedules, take a class that has always interested you. You are bound to find someone with your interests, perhaps a new group of friends, and who knows – maybe it’ll lead to a cat & cat situation. Screw mice.

How to Find Your Life Aspiration & Work Towards It

I have to apologize to my fans about my lack of updates.

Bad news: No post in over a month.
Good news: I’m too occupied with my life to write posts.

Wait, what?! Too busy???

That’s right folks. I am way too busy for my own good. For me, that means Life is Working Out.

For those who know me and know me well know I have a tendency to take every task known to mankind and make it part of my weekly schedule. It comes to a point where I spread myself too thin and I still don’t have the guts to say “No” when asked to do take on another activity.

It was roughly a month ago when I was tired of waking up and sitting at my computer looking for jobs. I decided to throw myself back into the one thing I embraced while growing up: cross country. I contacted my high school coach and asked: “COACH – do you need help with the XC team?!” to which he responded “YES.” I am now an assistant coach and LOVE the team.

After being rejected from too many places, I finally received an internship with The Old Globe Theatre here as a Stage Management Intern. WHOOO. Unpaid, but I don’t care; it’s the experience that matters. The internship begins in December.

The next step was to find something that could fill my time from September to December. So I went to the second place that held fond memories from the past: my school CDS. I attended that place from an immature and obnoxious 2nd grader to become the stunning famous H-Ko I am today. After a few emails and resumes, I had a meeting with the Dean for a substitute teacher position. BAM – I was on.

Of course the first two subjects I subbed for were the two subjects I stayed miles away from in college: Math & Science. My left brain had a freak out when it was told to study statistics, algebra, and the definition of mass. Thank god the students thought I was a genius.

On top of subbing, I am tutoring violin (an instrument I haven’t touched since graduating high school), and of course – decided to be an assistant director and stage manager for a community theater. Oh, did I mention I’m taking Spanish, Oil Painting, and Improvisation??

I have no days off. But hey, it’s what I asked for and it’s what I want. So personally I am very, very happy.

Here is my advice: If you are stuck at home – GET YOURSELF OUT THERE.

1) Think about what made you happy growing up, and put yourself in a position where you can be involved in it now.
2) Think about what made you happy in college, and find classes/jobs relevant to it.

I found my life aspiration this past month. But just because I'm not doing the exact aspiration doesn't mean that I'm lost. I am being proactive with activities that are relevant and meaningful. They provide stepping stones towards what I want to accomplish. It's AWESOME.

If you feel lost – I recommend you grab a piece of paper and a pencil. Make a list of your strengths, then make a list of what you want to learn in life. Then think about this: How do you apply your strengths to what you want to learn?? This can help you see your ultimate Life Aspiration (I owe this to Krups).

Here is my example:

Strengths & Skills – Team leadership, Motivation, Learning/Understanding different perspectives, Giving advice/Mentoring, Enthusiasm, Teaching theater, Athleticism, Open-mindedness, Creativity

Want to Learn – Different Cultures, Anthropology, Theater in all aspects, International groups/societies/cultures, How art can bring out the best in an individual, How people’s environment affect their upbringing and views.

Life Aspiration (by putting the two together) – I want to provide leadership development for youth in international countries through theater, athletics, and hands-on activities.

So – YOUR TURN. What did you come up with??

Our First Grape Harvest!

LWWO is well on its way renaming itself to Blue Merle Winery. Though we do not officially hold wine tasting for the open public, we are in the process of getting our alcoholic license. That's right folks; no more state licenses. Licenses now come labeled "Sober" "Socialite" or "Alcoholic." All four of us (Mama, Pop, Bluey, and I) are "Alcoholic." Duh, we live on a vineyard.

The process of receiving alcoholic licenses is long and grueling. The police have to come and search our house, they have to fingerprint us, and we have to post a sign in front of our garage. However, the process is worth it - because once it's done - we can sell! We can share the love of being wine-addicted-alcoholics!

So watch out and get ready.

This video is our first grape harvest with Tempranillo grapes. The wine is going to be AWESOME.

What Do You Do with Immoral Bosses?

The other week, I had an interview with a really nice guy. But when I did some research, he ended up saying things he didn't actually do. So he basically lied to me. What do you do in that situation? If I get offered the job, do I still go? Or do I stick it out and stay at LWWO?

A friend of mine had quite an extreme situation during her interview process. Here's her story:

The life of the post-grad. Most of the time is spent looking for jobs to sell yourself: first with your cover letter (really, I am so unique! Keep reading and find out why…), then your resume (I am so qualified even though perfectly placed words make my accomplishments out to be so much more than they are), and then interviews (I am so personable!! I just love people!!!). The rest of the time is spent blowing what little money you have left when the phone calls go unreturned and the rejection letters come and you realize that you just bore your entire soul and it still wasn’t enough. It’s almost worse than your first love telling you "It’s over, but it’s not you baby, it’s me." Or worse, "You're a great girl, I just met somebody more qualified to be my girlfriend." But really, how else is one supposed to fill the void created by a diminished sense of self-worth after countless seemingly arbitrary rejections?

I don’t like to think of myself as someone who would sell herself. I mean honestly people should just know upon meeting me that I am clearly the best person for any and all positions. My experiences are so extensive that there is no task I could fail at. You need someone to teach kids how to fish? I’ll do it the bestest. The fact that I have no knowledge of fish and am morally opposed to it is irrelevant.

After many interviews that went nowhere, I started to realize that I might have to actually demonstrate my competency for the positions I was applying for. Hence, I became a little more comfortable pouring my heart out. As eager as I am to work for the man as a wage slave, I do have my limits. As much as I have always dreamed of being an exotic dancer, I am not here to prostitute myself.

That being said, I have to say that I found a certain level of irony in the advice of 40 something year old man interviewing me for a tutoring position:

"And in terms of dress code, you want to dress professionally. What you have on now would be appropriate. But remember, you don't want anything too revealing, especially if you are tutoring young boys. You don't want them to be distracted; your job is to be helping them focus more on their studies."

Ironically, he slyly attached a note to my contract that read: "I really enjoyed our conversation the other day and was wondering if you would like to continue it over drinks."

That made me wonder who was more of a concern: hormonally charged adolescents or emotionally distraught older men taking advantage of their positions of power trying to get with girls who could feasibly be their daughter. But when the follow-up phone call came, I reassured him, "Oh no! of course I don't think you're being sleezy!" (I think my sarcasm was lost on him). I guess my "knock out laugh, looks, and personality" made more of an impression than my resume, especially the part where it says that I work extensively with women's rights issues and matters of sexual assault and sexual harassment.

So yay! to being in the working world and acquiring the finesse to get a job while navigating through the clutches of patriarchy. Times are hard, but not desperate enough to sleep with a prospective boss. If I have to be stuck between a rock and a hard place, I don't want it to be him hard.

So liers and hard 40 year old's ... that really doesn't seem to be ideal people you want to work for. What if the salary was good? What if you really believed in the work? Would you still do it?

LWWO Fashion

Life Will Work Out, Incorporated rocks fashion that will make Paris Hilton cry. You can cry too, or you can be a lot cooler and say, "Sweet, now I really want to work on a vineyard."

Welcome to the LWWO Network

The response I received from the last post was incredibly encouraging. I really have to thank everyone who read, commented, and/or became a follower.

(If you are interested in following this blog and being updated about a new post, sign up by clicking the icon to the right that says "Follow." Oh my god, no way.)

Fact: Life Will Work Out, Inc is a nationally recognized organization, and has branches and similar organizations worldwide.

Problem: Workers of LWWO sometimes feel alone, and need to connect to other LWWO members (or similar organizations).

Solution: This blog. This blog, I have now come to realize, should be a place where LWWO members share stories and join together to make the experience at LWWO (and similar organizations) fun and positive. Members, previous employees, or future candidates should post, comment, recommend, and ask questions.

If you have an idea for a post and want to write, please email me through facebook. You can find me as Hanako Justice.

If you want to comment on a post, go for it. You do not need to sign up into blogspot to comment. You can simply make up a name or even be anonymous.

If you want to recommend a post idea but don't want to write it, email me through facebook and I will do my best to capture it.

Ask questions. If you're an undergrad and you want advice, don't be scared. Ask. If you're currently in an LWWO situation and want advice, motivation, encouragement - ASK.

If you don't understand what LWWO is: Then read my first blog entry. If you're too lazy to scroll down - LWWO is a joke acronym (that stands for the joke organization Life Will Work Out, Inc) that I made up about being unemployed and living at home. Now everything above should make sense.

I am not alone. There are many of you who are reading this who may be in my position, or just were, or are about to be. So lets help each other out.

Welcome to the LWWO network.

I Am Capable

This is the 3rd time in the past week that I have cried multiple times in a day. I cried on a rock, I cried in the shower, I cried on my bed, and I cried multiple times on the phone. But one thing I learned from all this crying is that I cannot cry and continue to sulk in my misery.

I am not incapable. I am not incompetent. I am a great person who has a lot to offer. I am personable, enthusiastic, motivated, and wishes to do good in the communities I surround myself in.

At first it was hard to say this to myself when I cried. It was hard when Bryan got the job and I didn’t, or when I had that terrible interview, or when Mama told me I was better off being a lawyer.

But today, when I didn’t get the job, I cried, and told myself: “I am capable, I am competent. I have a lot to offer. And someone, that job, will find me and say: ‘Where were you all this time?’”

It will happen. The timing will come.

My 3 Love Affairs in College

I cannot continue to talk about LWWO without talking about my personal life. After all, I am a real person with real life stories to contribute.

When I flew on a plane to come to The Boonies – I left three loves behind: Reta Het, Eric Frends, and Bryan Q. Yes, I am bisexual and represent the classic case for having multiple affairs.

Just kidding.

If you unscramble Reta Het – the word Theater pops out. Yes, I became a theater geek in college. Many from high school were quite surprised. Only having taken two drama classes in high school and never promoted to be in production, I took the daunting risk of becoming a theater major in college. Everyone around me had been in performances since they were three; parents had pushed them to become stars throughout middle and high school. My parents forced me to take violin and piano lessons, and I still never went to Julliard.

Despite my lack of stardom, my college professors didn’t care. They supported my learning through ups and downs, and to this day still console me while I work at LWWO. I owe the entire theater department my gratitude, especially JD, BK and her husband MP, Mitch, M Burke, Leslie, Michelle, Vivian, James, Ritz, Elisa, Pat K, and Power. I left a piece of my heart in Austin Arts and T Commons. Whatever I do, I hope I always have an affair with Reta Het. It’s all because of my professors, and they will always approve.

My second love is Eric Frends, unscrambled as EC Friends, EC standing for East Coast. This past weekend, I sat in my room while I imagined how my EC gals partied it up in New York and Boston. As I am the only one located on the West, I was the only one who couldn’t attend. My spirited presence could only make appearance through facebook and text. Sad.

I do have EC man-friends, but they are very limited in number and few who I regularly keep in touch with. I do love them dearly, but I guess you can call me the typical “girl’s girl.” “Chicks before dicks” definitely applies.

My EC Friends come from all over and are all ethnicities: Bostonian/Masshole, Southern, New Yorker, Jerse, DC, CT, NH, Maine and Hong Kong/India/Brit. I have one from So-Cal but he doesn’t count. Out of all those peeps I think a third are white. I was surprised how many Asian friends I had, considering in high school I had, like, two.

Putting all that aside, I loved Eric Frends. Though I was thought to be quirky, a little out there, absent for most of the time because I was having my affair with Reta Het, I was never judged or cast aside. If I was around, I was embraced, and I will always be thankful for that. More importantly, now that we are apart, I am inspired to continue to be depended on for advice, love, laughs, and plain conversation. I may be far, but my heart is not. I hope that is known to all. (Call me!)

Finally, Bryan Q. There is no unscrambling here to be done. Plain and simple, he is the man who came along and said: “Screw us being friends, we’re meant to be lovers.”

We were friends for a year before he fell in love with me. I, at the time, was too immature to take myself seriously, let alone take him seriously. For seven months he didn’t give up. He professed his love constantly. Despite shutting him down by flirting with other men, sending evil texts, and ignoring phone calls, he still said: “We're meant to be lovers.”

It was when he gave up that I realized I had loved him the whole time. Isn’t that typical. The whole seven months I had denied him, and now I wanted what I couldn't have. During the seven month period he was finding difficulty keeping his mind healthy. Gradually he progressed to find independence using basketball, books, and yes, that slut Reta Het. Though he was on the rebound, thank god he still loved me and took me with open arms.

It is the first time I am doing a long-distance relationship. I never thought I’d be the type – but love makes you do the unexpected. It is completely worth it. He is the first to take my selfishness and stubbornness and use it to challenge me. He is the first to hug and hold me while I sob in his arms. He is the first to be honest with my insecurities, and even if he gets frustrated, he always reconciles. I am a garden to his world that he waters everyday, and everyday I grow a little more. Winds, storms, and overexposure to sunlight happen, but he is still there, tending me everyday.

I’M SO POETIC.

So those were my three affairs in college. There are specifics that I hope to share along the way, but background information is always a good start. =)

Make the Best Out of What Works Out

The realities of working at the Mama and Pop organization unfold. The day begins at 8am, when the Aussie requires a run through the vineyard. You are then asked to either pick peaches or grapefruit, tend the “Aglianico” vines (an Italian grape) which they have endearingly nicknamed “Ugly Hanako,” or run errands around The Boonies. I am surprised by my genuine willingness to want to help. I thought I would feel obligated, but rather I feel more satisfied by giving a lending hand.

However, all reality is not satisfactory. Mama and Pop have polar personalities that can cause the work environment to be a bit tense. Mama has strict expectations while Pop is open-minded and lenient.

“Why don’t you be a doctor, or a lawyer?!” Mama scolds. “$200,000 was paid just for you to be a Theater major???”

“I’m also an International Studies major…”

“Who cares. Go be a doctor.”

Pop then pats my head and says, “Don’t worry, I think you can do whatever you want and you are going to be great at it.”

As part of training, Pop required me to attend a motivational workshop. “You can network and be inspired,” he said. “And don’t forget to tell them about LWWO.”

The motivational speaker was the famous Bill Walton. Well, he’s famous if you like basketball. Bill Walton played for UCLA, then played for the Celtics. He was also inaugurated into the Basketball Hall of Fame back in the day. He contemplated jumping off the Coronado Bridge, when he had hit rock bottom with numerous ankle and spine surgeries. He found hope and climbed his way back to the top.

Unfortunately, I began to snooze when he used the moral of his stories to inspire his edge-of-the-seat audience. Whoops. Maybe it was because his speech was geared towards motivating small start-up software companies, not unemployed post-college-graduates. Indeed, I went to a motivational conference for tiny software businesses struggling to make it through the economy. Pop had left that part out.

Bill had some good quotes though. Like, “It’s not how big you are, it’s how big you play.” Or, “People make the best out of the way things work out.”

So reality at LWWO isn’t bliss all the time. It carries moments of discouragement, uncertainty, and loss. However, if you find motivation to make the best of your current situation: mine being dogs, grapes, and groceries – than hey, life works out better that way.

LWWO, Inc

Here I am, sitting on a plane - awaiting my first big day at Life Will Work Out Incorporation. The office sits on a hill in inland San Diego, an area I like to refer to as The Boonies. It is owned by a generous couple I call Mama and Pop, a couple who kindly tend their vineyard and make sure their Australian shepherd herds gophers because sheep don’t exist where they are (check them out here: http://www.winemakersjournal.com/bluemerlewinery.html). The closest sign of civilization is a deli, 2 miles away.

Life Will Work Out Inc is where I, the recent post-college-graduate, will reside until I, the one and only worker for LWWO, will find another organization. Hoping to find an organization with the same philosophy as Mama and Pop, just providing a different workload.

For the two months since graduation, I stayed at my small liberal arts college, the other summer students (who were still “real” students) looked at me with strange looks and “You’re still here?” I was grasping onto the last rope of hope that an organization other than LWWO would hire me. For two months, JD, my professor and mentor, offered me a position with her company for a life-touching internship. But of course, internships last for only so long, and no one was next in line to take the rope from her. Well, except for Mama and Pop. But in order to work for them, they require you to drop your rope, plunge into a 7-hour flight, drive an hour to The Boonies, a shovel in your backpack and dog treats in your pocket. And not regular dog treats; hypoallergenic made with premium salmon – more expensive than your typical Starbucks. So basically, this place is not exactly the ideal job or place for a post-college-graduate.

However, with the experience of my JD internship, four years away from my home in the West, and the potential to figure out how life is supposed to work out, I am actually looking forward to the long labor hours.

Training begins tomorrow. I am allowed to visit friends, but must return before dark and before Mama considers firing me. As part of the contract, projects are flexible and depending can be daily, weekly, or monthly. Goals foster around the ideals of healthy living in both mind and body, productivity of wine and resume output, and most importantly - creating a loving, gracious work environment. Something that can be a challenge, but one I do not want to take for granted anymore.

This blog is meant to document my experiences post-college graduation. There are big expectations and big dreams and one day, I hope there is a big move. But for now, I am content and ready to begin where I grew, grow where I began.


This blog also intends to document experiences pre-and at-college. Experiences that did shape my life views, that will help with my experience at LWWO and how I can move forward.

So, welcome. Please feel free to comment, and if you are interested in posting your own stories, lets talk and see how we can do so. My best wishes, Hanako.