The Right Thing @ The Wrong Time = The Wrong Thing

The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.

Sometimes you meet someone who is so incredibly right for you, but ...

you're just not ready yet.

Maybe you have too many things on your "To-Do-Before-I-Settle-Down" list.

Maybe you love your job so much that you don't want to be distracted.

Maybe you just want to focus on yourself.

Whatever your "maybe" may be, there's no point in forcing a relationship with someone, even if they are someone who would be incredibly compatible to your crazy personality.

A relationship is an investment. It's an investment of yourself, and the availability to meet your partner halfway. Sometimes more.

It is an exertion of energy that should be natural, and unconditional, and satisfying.

If you're not ready to exert, you're not ready to be in a relationship.

Be honest from the start, and don't try and lie to yourself that you can "make it work." How can you make a partnership work if you aren't done working on yourself?

The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.

Trust that there is meaning behind your timing.

Take advantage of the time meant for you and your "maybe's" Once fulfilled, you'll feel whole again. Completely whole. And completely ready.

The new will come. Believe it. In the right time, you'll ask why it didn't come sooner.

Then you'll remember, and smile.

What Women Want

I was forwarded this "Fairy Tale" (thanks Soo) about King Arthur and his quest to find the answer to "What Women Want."

 

The ending is phenomenal, and very true, so I highly encourage you read:

 

A Fairy Tale 

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would  perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end .

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

































Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story? 

Scroll down





The moral is..... 
If you don't let a woman have her own way.... 
Things are going to get ugly!!!

I've been in Africa for 1 year now. It's been an essential time in my life to discover what I want. I've been hurt along the way, and I've hurt others. 

As I become more aware of my individuality, the people who unconditionally embrace me for who I am and what I want, are the people who I want in my life.

I am far from perfect. I still don't know everything, nor I never will. 

But while I make strong and bold choices in the midst of my "self" discoveries, I thank those of you in my life for your patience, your understanding, your love, and your support.

Happy Holidays.  

Dear Santa, I Would Like a Job

Dear Santa,

For Christmas this year, I would like a job.

It can be 9 - 5, and in front of a computer, and if so, I’d like the computer to have a big red bow when I arrive at my desk.  If it’s at a restaurant with night shifts, please make sure they upgrade me to a waitress in less than 3 months.

I’ve been extra sweet this year, and did an entire year of community service in Africa. I added 4 more months, so that should make me in the top 10, 000  out of the 4 billion on your “Nice” list. (As a reminder, I go back to the States in April, so I can’t accept anything until then.)

You will notice that next to the chocolate-chip cookies, I made chocolate-mint cupcakes. I learned how to bake those this year, and I hope that earns me extra brownie points. (Haha, get it?!)

Because I have many bills to pay, which includes the $500 monthly student loan, please make sure the salary is no less than 30K per year. Because I refuse to live with my parents for more than 2 months after I come home from Africa, rent will roughly cost $800 in the city, including utilities. Food per month will be around $500, and I guestimate $200 should be reserved for any extra living expenses, doctor visits, etc.

I am diabetic, so please keep my medical necessities in mind.

(No! I only had 2 cookies and 1 brownie. Puh-lease)

I am also prone to cavities, and fillings are very expensive.

(Yes, fine, 2 brownies.)

Anyway, bills add up to $2,000 per month - and I need to make sure I save at least $500 per month for future travels and my Roth 401(k) Retirement account.

I know you’ve been watching, but remember when I created that Leadership Program? And how much self confidence and personal development those kids gained? Imagine what I can do!

(Are you enjoying the brownies? They are perfect with the milk.)

I hope you will grant me my wish, and not let me sit at home in front of a computer sending resume after resume.  I will surely be depressed (picture all those rejections!) and lose all productivity: eat too many Doritos, drink too much Bud, never run, sleep for an ungodly 16 hours … All the while questioning my self worth and value.  All that I had gained in Africa would diminish! “You don’t have enough corporate experience for the real deal,” my mind will say. “Go get a beer and relax into the unqualified twit you are.”

You don’t want me to suffer through this, do you?  You know I’m worth millions and can impact so many lives! They just don’t know it yet, which is where you come in ...

I love you very much Santa. Please remember me and my endeavors; you know I won’t let you down.

Say hello to Mrs. Clause for me, and a big hug to Rudolph.

Love,
Hana

Help Hanako Help Africa!

Click here to see my YouTube Sensation!

If You Can Help Me Reach Over My Goal, I Would Like to Donate To The School.

To see how I'm doing in Africa, check out my blog at:

http://mitioverseas.wordpress.com/

Thank you for your consideration!

Love,

Hana

Where You Go Defines Who You Become

A fork in the road. If you go left, you will meet Scarecrow. You'll discover he has a brain after all and feel smarter yourself. If you go right, you'll fall into a rabbit hole. Johnny Depp, face painted white, will ask you to join him for tea.

There are times in life where you make major decisions that influence who you meet, what you do, and who you become. Like college. Or taking a job in Chicago. Or quitting your job to travel to Costa Rica.

I say, believe in your gut. Make decisions that are true to your heart, that will challenge you to create the being you want to become. Outcomes are usually surprises, but you will learn the most from the unexpected.

The HELP HANAKO GO TO AFRICA Fund

Dear Friends, Strangers, and Soon-To-Be-Friends:

AS THE TITLE OF THIS BLOG POST SUGGESTS - I WOULD LIKE YOU TO DONATE and/or BUY WINE TO HELP ME GO TO AFRICA

You probably were directed to this site because a friend asked you to. Or because you saw it on my Facebook, or because you were super bored and clicked "Next" on Blogspot.

Whatever way, thank you for clicking.

I am a 23 year old woman/girl. I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. (Thank you Britney).

I believe I'm stuck in this awkward in-between because I have a lot to experience before I consider myself an adult. And as part of this lovely growth process, one of my goals (besides gray hair) is to travel.

WeLL.


I have been given an opportunity to go to TANZANIA, AFRICA

"What's that?" you ask?

Here's a map:

YAY.

Now you're cultured.

I am going to be an ASSISTANT PE TEACHER at

 It is located in Arusha, a city 8 hours drive northeast of Dar es Salaam, the capital of Tanzania.

Omg, now you're super cultured.

The School of. St. Jude is Super Cool. It takes poverty-ridden kids who are the brightest / show huge potential, and focuses on building them to become FUTURE LEADERS OF TANZANIA. Meaning, they are aiming to groom government officials, presidents, NGO leaders, computer scientists, OF TANZANIA - NOT of the US, or Australia, or the UK. Brain Drain is a No-No.

Here's their website:     http://www.schoolofstjude.co.tz/Home/tabid/198/Default.aspx



Each kid gets to attend this school for free. Most, if not all, are sponsored. Everything is taught in English - to maintain their ability to become trilingual (Swahili, family/tribal language, then of course - the language for world communication). Integrity is a must - and anyone who lies, cheats, steals, or shows dishonesty is kicked out without a second chance.

SO YEA - they're awesome.

Here's the Problem.

I am a 23 woman/girl.

I graduated a private 4 year institution called Trinity College.

The education I received was amazing, but I couldn't pay for it all in one-go. So I owe Sallie Mae and Wells Fargo a load of cha-ching $ cha-ching.

They cannot defer my loans because St. Jude's is not like the Peace Corps in that it's not government funded.

Therefore, I need your help, to help me, help this school, fighting gray hair, and inspiring children's lives with soccer balls. I will be gone for one year.  

So here is my PITCH.

I would like YOU and your FRIENDS to  DONATE TO MY CAUSE or PURCHASE my mother and father's WINE 

My father and mother live out in Escondido, California. 5 years ago, they decided to dig a bunch of holes in the ground, grow some grape vines, and pop bottles.

The result?

That's my dog. He's a blue-merle Australian Shepherd - hence the name of our winery.

Website: http://www.winemakersjournal.com/bluemerlewinery.html
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/bluemerlewinery

You can also read various stories off of my Dad's Blog: http://winemakersjournal.blogspot.com/

I myself have helped prune vines, pick grapes, cork bottles, run after birds, and chase gophers off our property.


ANYWAY:

I would like YOU and your FRIENDS to DONATE TO MY CAUSE or PURCHASE my mother and father's WINE 

Did I say that already? 

Sorry.

DONATIONS 
& 
GROSS PROFITS 
WILL FUND MY TRIP TO AFRICA


ANYTHING OVER 
WILL GO 
TO SCHOOL of ST. JUDE

TO PURCHASE:

Simply go to

http://www.alliancewarehouse.com/foodbeverages.html

DONATIONS 

Anything is truly appreciated. Everything counts!

That's me. And my dog. Chillin' like Villains.

MY GOAL

So, if your church needs wine, or you're on a quest to make Julia Child's Coq au Vin, or you want to help me make a difference in kid's lives:

Questions?

Please don't hesitate

Contact me at hanakojustice@gmail.com

I APPRECIATE YOUR HELP

Or at least your consideration.

THANK YOU

Interested in becoming a sponsor at St. Jude's? If you sponsor a kid you get to write them letters and send gifts! They'll write you back, show you what rewards they've earned, and send photos of themselves!
CLICK HERE 

Buying Your First Car

Some Things You Should Know

1 - Purchasing a car is not a one day "oh my god I just bought a car! hurray!" thing

* I paid for the car on September 1st

* I registered the car at the DMV on September 12th

* You pay the DMV $$$. Taxes, or something.

2 - The car cannot be in your name until you get the smog checked.

* smog checks are required by the previous owner

* I didn't know that

* They had done that, but I didn't have the proof for the DMV

* So I got a smog check on September 13th.

3 - You need to buy car insurance
* there are different kinds with different prices
* go with the cheapest and most crucial: (i.e - collision)

No I did not get hassled by a car salesman.

No I did not have to haggle, or walk away pretending I didn't want the car - just so I could get a lower price.

I did buy it used, and I did buy it from someone I know.

Someone I know quite well, who gave me the car at a lower price than he wanted, just because he loves me.

On some level.

As a roommate.

An alternate sister.

As his sister's best friend.

Anyway -

I did purchase the car with my own money.

With a savings account I didn't know I had.

4. SAVE. THEN FORGET ABOUT IT, THEN USE IT IN DIRE NEED

I named the car "Puppy"

My First Resignation

I resigned for the very first time. Something I never thought I'd have to do. Now when I fill out applications, and there's the portion that says "Reason for Leaving" - I have to fit the story in bullet points:

-Miscommunication and Misunderstanding

-Disregard for my Hard Work.

It was a big lesson in Being Taken Advantage Of - to say the least.

I took a job at a local Mom and Pop restaurant. As a Hostess/Food runner/Dishwasher/Busser, I was working 15 hours per week, earning minimum wage, and receiving no tips. "All the money's going back to the restaurant," they said. Mind you, they bought a pitbull a week later.

After a couple walked out of our restaurant because my boss/only waitress on staff was too busy with other clients - she and her husband/chef still didn't want to train me to be a waitress. What they did instead was send me an email accusing me of unprofessionalism.

"You're supposed to sit the clients down when they come into the restaurant. You're an unprofessional little girl who doesn't know what she's doing," typed the chef.

"Oh really?" I thought, as I was reading this ridiculous email. "The rule, as your wife told me, is NEVER sit clients unless I know she can get to them."

"You're unprofessional. You don't deserve tips, and you don't deserve being a waitress."

"Oh really???" (This is when steam blew out of my nose.) "That couple walked out because we only have ONE waitress on staff. Besides, isn't it unprofessional on your behalf sending me an email full of accusations without hearing my side of the story?"

It took me 4 days re-reading this email, weighing consequences, and deciding what was best. But it was clear this place was walking all over me. I was their little elf, doing the grunt work, never to be rewarded. And I was done putting up with the fact that what I deserved was going into dog food. And so - I QUIT.

It has been one of the best things I've done for myself. I got rid of an environment that held me back and weighed me down. As my friend's mom put it: "You need to get rid of this negative energy. You're still there, which is why you can't find anything better. Get rid of them, and you will find a place that will feel your freedom, and they will want you."

So I went out to promote myself. I even bought two new pairs of work shoes, because as my own mother says, "Buy the shoes, the job will come."

In two weeks I had five interviews, and was offered two positions. I chose Extraordinary Desserts. http://extraordinarydesserts.com/desserts.htm. They were on Food Network for their Dulce de Leche cake on "The Best Thing I've Ever Ate." I start tomorrow, and I am PUMPED.

Life is becoming more stable. Good people have surrounded and supported me, and I am grateful for their advice and aid. Things are definitely looking sweeter :)

Happy One Year Anniversary

I remember writing cover letters where the topic sentence started with: “As a recent graduate …”

Now they begin with “A year since …” My god do I feel the gap from my youthful freedom getting larger.

The other night I went line dancing at a place in SD called Incahoots. Though I do not know how to line dance for the life of me, they gave us non-line dancers a moment to shine while they played JLo and Rihanna. My Sunday Co partner-in-crime (Lauren Turner) and I literally brought the house down. People stopped to stare, and those few who dared, joined. It was very JGaff and Douglas Baille for those Trinity folk who know what I'm talking about. Sprinklers and running mans everywhere.

I hadn't danced like that since college. It was like I was going through withdrawal from non-fratting and I finally said "Screw it I'm gonna DANCE." It was maybe the most cathartic moments I have had all year.

That being said, here are a few reflections on my one year anniversary since hitting the Real World:

1) Work study is the smart thing to do. Don't wait to pay off all your loans post-graduation. (trust me, I'm learning the hard way. all the money I made in college went to food and fancy beverages)

2) Effort counts for 90% of what you do. Where there is a will, there is a way. No joke.

3) NETWORK. It is, unfortunately and fortunately, depending on how you look at it - the way the job world works. Knowing someone who will put in a good word for you, or knowing someone who knows someone where you want to work is KEY. Do NOT be afraid to NETWORK. People are more than less willing to HELP YOU, as long as you have a good attitude.

4) If you don't know what you're doing post-graduation, it's okay. I still don't know what I'm going to do. But to help you feel focused - write down goals. There are examples in this blog to help you get started. (see posts "Goals" and "How to Find Your Life Aspiration")

5) TRAVEL ABROAD. I did not do this in college, though I did get to live in NY for a junior semester. I do not necessarily regret my decision, (I don't like to use the term "regret" because I don't believe in that philosophy) but I do wish I had done it. I thought it'd be easy for me to do after graduation, but it is harder than I thought.

6) SAVE MONEY. Start this your freshman year of college, if not before. Open an account that you can use post-graduating. Save, save, save. Put 10% of each paycheck from either your college job or summer job. This will come in handy when you need a car, apartment, or travel money after receiving your diploma. I did not do this. I wish I was smarter back then.

7) You are going to feel discouraged. "What?" you ask. I'm being real. You will get rejected from jobs. A lot of people do not land their dream job after college. They become discouraged, thinking they aren't good enough. But guess what. You're not a loser, and you're not alone. You may have 6 jobs before you finally land the perfect one. Hell I've had 6 jobs plus (paid or not) in ONE YEAR.

8) Take classes that have always interested you. I would have never known I was a skilled oil painter. (I took that class out of desperation so I didn't have to be stuck at home 24/7).

9) It is VERY hard to visit your friends once you have a job. Sad Panda

10) Adults, you realize, are not really adults anymore. It doesn't matter if people are 24 or 78 - you realize that age is just a number and personalities defines the character. I have friends who are 48.

11) DANCE

Congratulations to all the wonderful and amazing people who just graduated from their institutions. Welcome to Life Will Work Out.

Love,
Hanako

Goals = What Will I Regret Never Tryin' & Where Am I Happy?

Dear Supporters of LWWO

I was having a hard time writing posts. When I had an idea– it tended to have “pity me” “cry for me” “I want attention” messages strewn within the context. Who wants to keep reading about me feeling depressed and unworthy because I don’t have a job? It gets old.

For the past couple weeks I was pretty unproductive. When I wasn’t substitute teaching, I stayed at home and dwindled hours on email and facebook. Or I’d make plans with my friends, saving the job search for “later” which really became “never.”

But then two days ago, after feeling the guilt build up in my belly, my belly yelled at me. “FOCUS!” it bellowed. (Tee hee, my belly bellowed).

So I made 2 lists.

WHAT WILL I REGRET IF I NEVER TRY BEFORE I DIE?
-Traveling to Europe, Canada (Vancouver definitely), Australia, Seattle, Chicago, and Oregon to see if I want to live in those places

-To attempt the acting lifestyle in Los Angles (even if it’s for 6 months). If I never do it, I’ll never know.

-To find and live where my heart and mind truly belong

-To be in a developing country for a period of time (3 months minimum) doing service work. This is either implementing my own improvisation/theater/athletic/nutrition development/life skill program OR working with an organization doing community service with youth which aligns with my ideals

-Act in a theatrical production on a stage with semi-professional/professional actors

-Directing a performance of my own

-Directing a performance of another playwright

-To isolate myself in nature for a couple-few days (2-3 days minimum). I believe it’s good for the soul. (Bahaha.)

-To be in Japan for a period of time (3 months minimum, but longer would be nice. A year maybe?). Preferably with my mother.

-To work with inner-city youth here in the US and implement my own improvisation/theater/ athletic/nutrition development/life skill program or work with an organization that models with my beliefs

WHERE AM I TRULY HAPPY?
-Nature/Outdoors.

-In the theater

-Post a good performance

-Improv practice

-Watching improv

-Post good improv shows

-Motivating my kids in practice and at meets

-Mentoring kids with organization, academics, and developmental/life skills

-Running

-Seeing others accomplish their goals, especially when I gave them guidance

-Seeing others grow/have revelations about their growth, especially with my guidance

-Those rare perfect moments that happen when I’m listening to music, out in nature, or driving in my car

-Eating great food

With these two lists, I combined the overlaps to determine

GOALS

-To be a performer. This includes comedy and theatrical performances.

-To implement a project to help youth/people gain life skills through creative means. Both in the US and a developing country

HURRAY! My belly isn’t so mad at me anymore.

Now - YOU TRY

What A Parent Wants

Back in the day, when I was little, Papa Justice wanted me to:

-go to Duke
-be happy
-and successful
-and do whatever I loved

Back in the day, when I was little, Mama Justice wanted me to:

-become a doctor
-go to Harvard
-or Yale
-have a lot of money
-and buy her a pink limousine

WELL

1) I went to a small private institution that my parents knew nothing of (as all West Coast people don't)
2) I majored in Theater
3) I currently make a very minor income as a sub and tutor

Today, Papa Justice wants me to:

-become famous on youtube
-prune vines
-earn 3K/month
-and be happy

Today, Mama Justice wants me to:

-go to Medical School
-move out
-and buy her a pink limousine

Dating 201: Long Distance Relationships

Many of my friends in college have been maintaining long distance relationships since graduation. That is roughly 9 months of phone calls, skyping, texting, and planning trips for rekindling and reconnection. No more dorm rooms and sexiling roommates.

I am in awe by the commitment. I admire their will and desire to maintain a loving relationship while they sort out their individual lives.

Friend #1. Location = New Orleans. Dating ~ 9 months with boy in Boston.
Unemployed. Went to Korea, now working part time at a Gym. Applying to jobs. Soon moving to Philadelphia.

Friend #2. Location = DC. Open relationship ~ on and off 4 years with boy in Hartford.
Paralegal.

Friend #3. Location = Nashville. Dating ~ on and off 3 years with boy in New York
Intern in Hartford, then unemployed for a month. Moved to Nashville to do psychology research.

Here they are, doing what they love or figuring things out and AT THE SAME TIME are maintaining a relationship.

What is the secret? Is it the strength of the relationship prior to the distance? Is it the love and connection that is unbound by nothing?

I like using them as examples because it is what I couldn’t do. After one month of long distance post college, a month of pure torture in applications, resumes, and rejection – my relationship was not a priority. It became a side dish, the peas you pick out and toy with your fork. I wanted space, he wanted verbal support. I wanted to configure my life plan alone, he wanted to share. I finally threw the peas away because I was done force-feeding what added very little accent to my unfinished main course.

I know, distance or not, you will go through crashes and uncertainty in your life which can affect the relationship you are in. Relationships that last, in my opinion, are ones that are composed of couples who honestly communicate and accommodate/support accordingly. When life takes a turn, you need someone who will understand how you recuperate. Depending on each person, it can be leaving them alone, it can be companionship; it can be advice and research, it can be solely listening.

My friends are at a point in their lives where they can execute self-growth and balance a relationship at the same time. They are accommodated for in their desired ways and in the way they deserve.

I, the Creole Aubergine, am still baking in the oven to solidify the aroma and flavor of who I am. The side dish will be determined post baking. Or, because I’m classy, let’s make that wine. I am very, very happily cookin' - good lookin'.

Happy Valentine's Day <3

What Now?

My good friend said to me, “You’re acting as if you’re defeated.”
“You’re right,” I said.
She furrowed her eyebrows.
“Stop.”

Two of my good friends just came home from their respectable institutions. One finished Northeastern, the other finished an internship with the Red Sox. Both back in San Diego, they have been applying and searching and sharing information. Though they are overwhelmed and ask, “What now?” - they are proactive and prepare themselves to answer that question as soon as possible.

When I ask myself “What now?” nothing jumps at me. There is a listlessness, this lethargic … satisfaction in my current state. This dull disinclination to employ myself. (Thank you Emma). And I am jealous of my fresh-out-of-college/jobs friends who are talented, motivated, and focused.

Deep in my heart I know there is so much for me to do, so much I know I can do, and yet I do not know how to get there, and therefore cannot grasp any excitement to drive me towards those goals.

Truth is, we all want results at the snap of our fingers. SNAP – there’s my pot of gold. CLAP – look I’m saving children in Africa.

But obviously it doesn’t work that way. You have to find the transportation, gold digging equipment, and prime location in Sacramento to pan for gold. You need to research the NGO, buy the plane ticket, and get the Hep B shot before you save lives in Tanzania.

Reality = steps.

To conquer defeat: My Big Bro D – a gentleman from my improv group – says to break down your goals so they seem more tangible. What do you want to accomplish in a year? In three months? In one month? If you work backwards, you’ll have a better sense of how you can accomplish a year’s goal step by step, month by month, and therefore day by day.

Exhibit A:
I will pay off my $X student loans this year. To do so I am going to get a job by the end of this month, so everyday this week I am going to submit a resume. And so on.

This post itself is kicking my butt and telling me to get going.

In the meantime, I am going to give a shoutout to EMMA and all the people involved. (Playing at the Old Globe Theatre in San Diego until March 6th). Thank you for showing me I am meant to be in theat-ah.

To 1/1/11!

Raise Your Glass (as Pink says), to 2011

It is a New Year, full of hope for new accomplishments and making life work out.

My New Years Resolution list does not consist of curt statements such as:

-lose 10 pounds
-get a real job
-be nice

Why set such specifics when I know in reality I can gain 10 and lose 10 in 2 weeks time? What does "real" job really mean? And hey, it's okay if I need to be a bitch sometimes.

I set open-minded goal-oriented resolutions such as:

-keep sending out resumes to prospective employers. Concentrate more energy on putting myself out there
-try to eat healthy and exercise where I feel content with my body. I know I'm not always going to be perfect, but work on being more conscious of bad habits and laziness
-tell my parents that I love them and appreciate them more often
-dive into my passions and don't get distracted. If I want to do improv, DO IT. If I want to write, DO IT. Find the means to do it because I CAN

For me, resolution writing gets my upcoming year's insecurities and worries out on paper. Then I find a way to remind and motivate myself of what I want and what I need to do. It's quite therapeutic. A boost in many ways. It's an excuse to sit down and get out of my head.

Anyway, happy new year =)

Resolution #27
-keep blog updated twice a month

Love, Hypocritical H-ko

Passion Vs. Practicality

Grace Period is over.

For those who don’t know, either because you paid for your entire education or your parents handle all your money, your Grace Period is a euphemism for: YOU HAVE 6 MONTHS TO FIND A JOB. During this 6-month time period, you are expected to find a stable income, which will hereafter allow you to pay off monthly student loans.

Truthfully, Grace Period was over on November 15th of 2010. However, I write this post now because Sallie Mae didn’t start withdrawing from my bank account until this month.

*sigh*

I vowed to myself that I would pay off my student loans without my parents help. Thus far I was able to pay December. Substitute teaching has saved me enough to pay January. But after?

I am in a dilemma between what I want to do, versus making enough money to live a lifestyle without debt.

As an unpaid Production Assistant at the Globe, this internship only reinstates that I am meant to be in the theatre. It is the one location where I have never gotten tired of being indoors all day. Though I am making coffee, photocopying scripts, and lifting props, I know it means something when I can say I love what I'm doing.

Unfortunately, reality tells me theatre will not provide enough to pay a year’s worth of tuition over 25 years, plus an apartment, plus a car, plus living expenses and whatever else I'll need.

I am worried, wanting to perform and live and breathe theater, but afraid I cannot make enough in this field to execute my life the way I want and to pay off my dues.

It is this common debate between passion and practicality. We all struggle with this, do we not?

Professional Transformation: The (Female) Suit

"If you buy the clothes, the interviews will come."

This is what Mama told me everyday when I got home from college. True enough, after I bought my first business skirt and black shoes, I was offered the substitute teaching position.

Recently a friend of mine went suit shopping. HURRAAYYY. Here's her story, with a few tips on buying your first female suit:

Today was a big day. I bought: my first suit. Enter business world.

I graduated from in-college to young-professional. My sister-in-law accompanied me to various shops, advising me on my new curriculum. And looking in the mirror each time gave me a little more confidence. My brother and I had a chat about interviews and first impressions. He mentioned that, for better or worse, people are judged on their appearance. There was the girl who came in a red skirt with polka dots – her new name became Minnie Mouse. There was the woman who came dressed like a Gypsy – her name was “The Gypsy” (I mean no offense). Then there was the man who came in a suit: nice black pants, tie, and jacket. He wound up getting the job. So...no pressure.

Now, I don't know how many of you have small feet. But I think I win. I am a size 5. Stores generally don't like to stock below a size 6. Of the 25 acceptable shoes we tried, maybe 4 had an available size 5. I went somewhere else, asked for some shoes in a size 5, and got that “oooh/we pity you/sorry-but-not” look. But there was success. I found some really nice brown pumps (aka “heels”) that are a half-size up from my little 5s but are so padded and comfortable (and fit! I guess they run small) that nothing else can compare [women's hint: SoftSpot]. Okay. Brown shoes: check. Black shoes: pending.

The suit. The one item every gal needs. Elizabeth Taylor Loft had all three pieces (jacket, pants, skirt) in a size that actually fit me. In case the size-5-reference was not enough, I am small. I am teeny. I am five feet tall and just little. So finding clothes small enough is hard too. In some ways, because of my size, I need to find even more professional clothes so that people take me seriously. I am zero there. Next shop: White House Black Market. Ehhh. They have very lovely party dresses, but their style is, for me, not “take me seriously!” enough. Banana Republic. Wow. Double zero there. But, I found all three pieces. They all fit. But...could use a minor adjustment here, would my heels catch the hem? Price?

Here is the advice my sister-in-law gave me. Right now, I am looking for any job to get me in somewhere - looking. So why go higher price? When I have a steady job and can afford it, then I can go buy that other suit if I need it. We took a picture at BN and went back to Elizabeth Taylor Loft to try that on again, and compare prices. Perfection. [Hint 2: Put things on hold. Stores usually give you 24 hours, and then you can run around the mall and decide. Also, without carrying around a ton of bags.]

Ladies, this is big purchase. I have not been “professional” shopping...since...

These things cost a lot. So, opt in for the store card offer that gets you 15% off. Pay it off right away, and keep the card or not (your finances are your matter). But my total for all three pieces was a little less than $200 – which is amazing. So go for it. Besides, you might need more coupons from them later.

Next: “shells” for under the suit jacket. This was a harder course. I thought that the only shirts acceptable under a suit were collared, button-down shirts. Not true! No, there are a lot more options. The only thing anyone can see under the suit is a small V section of the shirt beneath. Colors, patterns, anything bright – but collars aren't a must. The shirt doesn't have to have much in the way of sleeves, since no one will see them anyway. [Hint 3: Shells are a term for shirts underneath a suit. Hint 4: Black suits go with anything, so go for bright shells and necklaces]

The Dating World of The Real World: Advice 101

Bars and clubs: the frats and parties of the Real World. The locations where one is expected to dress up and “meet people.” You label it a “good night” if you meet someone attractive and get their number, a “bad night” if you didn’t meet anyone at all.

I miss my college night life when our bars were filled with people we knew, when frat basements were really our clubs, and dorm rooms could fit massive amounts of people in them to be labeled as fire hazards. If you had a crush on someone, you knew where to find them and you knew you would “accidentally run into them” by the end of the night.

None of that exists anymore. Out in the Real World you walk into a bar or club and don’t know anyone. If you have a crush on someone it’s only because they are good-looking, and you have to think of a pick up line to see if they can hold a conversation. The other option is to play cat and mouse, and because others are competing by doing the same thing, there is no guarantee you’re the mouse they really want to talk to…

Thank god I avoid looking for my future husband when it comes to my Real World night life. Though I have heard stories of happily married couples that happened to meet at such locations, I personally can’t say I plan to do the same. The picture of me scurrying around while a cat stalks me is not my cup of “cheese.”

So how do you meet people??

Recently I took Oil Painting, Spanish, and Improvisation classes. I found out I’m a skilled oil painter who just needs more experience, a beginner Spanish speaker who can whip out “Me llamo Hana, Como se llama?” and that I absolutely adore the challenge of getting up on stage and making stuff up on the spot. I MET PEOPLE. And sure I went on a few dates. But that's besides the point.

The classes were the best; they truly provided something to look forward to each week. I especially bonded with my improvisation class because it was filled with young adults like me who sought to break out of their comfort zones and have a good time. It became a tradition to grab food, a few beers, and see a show after class. The best part is that we range completely in age, what we're doing, and what we want to do - but we share the love for comedy and inspiration to get better. It's a support group! It's just not anonymous ... yet.

So if you have time amidst your busy work/(or non-work) schedules, take a class that has always interested you. You are bound to find someone with your interests, perhaps a new group of friends, and who knows – maybe it’ll lead to a cat & cat situation. Screw mice.

How to Find Your Life Aspiration & Work Towards It

I have to apologize to my fans about my lack of updates.

Bad news: No post in over a month.
Good news: I’m too occupied with my life to write posts.

Wait, what?! Too busy???

That’s right folks. I am way too busy for my own good. For me, that means Life is Working Out.

For those who know me and know me well know I have a tendency to take every task known to mankind and make it part of my weekly schedule. It comes to a point where I spread myself too thin and I still don’t have the guts to say “No” when asked to do take on another activity.

It was roughly a month ago when I was tired of waking up and sitting at my computer looking for jobs. I decided to throw myself back into the one thing I embraced while growing up: cross country. I contacted my high school coach and asked: “COACH – do you need help with the XC team?!” to which he responded “YES.” I am now an assistant coach and LOVE the team.

After being rejected from too many places, I finally received an internship with The Old Globe Theatre here as a Stage Management Intern. WHOOO. Unpaid, but I don’t care; it’s the experience that matters. The internship begins in December.

The next step was to find something that could fill my time from September to December. So I went to the second place that held fond memories from the past: my school CDS. I attended that place from an immature and obnoxious 2nd grader to become the stunning famous H-Ko I am today. After a few emails and resumes, I had a meeting with the Dean for a substitute teacher position. BAM – I was on.

Of course the first two subjects I subbed for were the two subjects I stayed miles away from in college: Math & Science. My left brain had a freak out when it was told to study statistics, algebra, and the definition of mass. Thank god the students thought I was a genius.

On top of subbing, I am tutoring violin (an instrument I haven’t touched since graduating high school), and of course – decided to be an assistant director and stage manager for a community theater. Oh, did I mention I’m taking Spanish, Oil Painting, and Improvisation??

I have no days off. But hey, it’s what I asked for and it’s what I want. So personally I am very, very happy.

Here is my advice: If you are stuck at home – GET YOURSELF OUT THERE.

1) Think about what made you happy growing up, and put yourself in a position where you can be involved in it now.
2) Think about what made you happy in college, and find classes/jobs relevant to it.

I found my life aspiration this past month. But just because I'm not doing the exact aspiration doesn't mean that I'm lost. I am being proactive with activities that are relevant and meaningful. They provide stepping stones towards what I want to accomplish. It's AWESOME.

If you feel lost – I recommend you grab a piece of paper and a pencil. Make a list of your strengths, then make a list of what you want to learn in life. Then think about this: How do you apply your strengths to what you want to learn?? This can help you see your ultimate Life Aspiration (I owe this to Krups).

Here is my example:

Strengths & Skills – Team leadership, Motivation, Learning/Understanding different perspectives, Giving advice/Mentoring, Enthusiasm, Teaching theater, Athleticism, Open-mindedness, Creativity

Want to Learn – Different Cultures, Anthropology, Theater in all aspects, International groups/societies/cultures, How art can bring out the best in an individual, How people’s environment affect their upbringing and views.

Life Aspiration (by putting the two together) – I want to provide leadership development for youth in international countries through theater, athletics, and hands-on activities.

So – YOUR TURN. What did you come up with??

Our First Grape Harvest!

LWWO is well on its way renaming itself to Blue Merle Winery. Though we do not officially hold wine tasting for the open public, we are in the process of getting our alcoholic license. That's right folks; no more state licenses. Licenses now come labeled "Sober" "Socialite" or "Alcoholic." All four of us (Mama, Pop, Bluey, and I) are "Alcoholic." Duh, we live on a vineyard.

The process of receiving alcoholic licenses is long and grueling. The police have to come and search our house, they have to fingerprint us, and we have to post a sign in front of our garage. However, the process is worth it - because once it's done - we can sell! We can share the love of being wine-addicted-alcoholics!

So watch out and get ready.

This video is our first grape harvest with Tempranillo grapes. The wine is going to be AWESOME.

What Do You Do with Immoral Bosses?

The other week, I had an interview with a really nice guy. But when I did some research, he ended up saying things he didn't actually do. So he basically lied to me. What do you do in that situation? If I get offered the job, do I still go? Or do I stick it out and stay at LWWO?

A friend of mine had quite an extreme situation during her interview process. Here's her story:

The life of the post-grad. Most of the time is spent looking for jobs to sell yourself: first with your cover letter (really, I am so unique! Keep reading and find out why…), then your resume (I am so qualified even though perfectly placed words make my accomplishments out to be so much more than they are), and then interviews (I am so personable!! I just love people!!!). The rest of the time is spent blowing what little money you have left when the phone calls go unreturned and the rejection letters come and you realize that you just bore your entire soul and it still wasn’t enough. It’s almost worse than your first love telling you "It’s over, but it’s not you baby, it’s me." Or worse, "You're a great girl, I just met somebody more qualified to be my girlfriend." But really, how else is one supposed to fill the void created by a diminished sense of self-worth after countless seemingly arbitrary rejections?

I don’t like to think of myself as someone who would sell herself. I mean honestly people should just know upon meeting me that I am clearly the best person for any and all positions. My experiences are so extensive that there is no task I could fail at. You need someone to teach kids how to fish? I’ll do it the bestest. The fact that I have no knowledge of fish and am morally opposed to it is irrelevant.

After many interviews that went nowhere, I started to realize that I might have to actually demonstrate my competency for the positions I was applying for. Hence, I became a little more comfortable pouring my heart out. As eager as I am to work for the man as a wage slave, I do have my limits. As much as I have always dreamed of being an exotic dancer, I am not here to prostitute myself.

That being said, I have to say that I found a certain level of irony in the advice of 40 something year old man interviewing me for a tutoring position:

"And in terms of dress code, you want to dress professionally. What you have on now would be appropriate. But remember, you don't want anything too revealing, especially if you are tutoring young boys. You don't want them to be distracted; your job is to be helping them focus more on their studies."

Ironically, he slyly attached a note to my contract that read: "I really enjoyed our conversation the other day and was wondering if you would like to continue it over drinks."

That made me wonder who was more of a concern: hormonally charged adolescents or emotionally distraught older men taking advantage of their positions of power trying to get with girls who could feasibly be their daughter. But when the follow-up phone call came, I reassured him, "Oh no! of course I don't think you're being sleezy!" (I think my sarcasm was lost on him). I guess my "knock out laugh, looks, and personality" made more of an impression than my resume, especially the part where it says that I work extensively with women's rights issues and matters of sexual assault and sexual harassment.

So yay! to being in the working world and acquiring the finesse to get a job while navigating through the clutches of patriarchy. Times are hard, but not desperate enough to sleep with a prospective boss. If I have to be stuck between a rock and a hard place, I don't want it to be him hard.

So liers and hard 40 year old's ... that really doesn't seem to be ideal people you want to work for. What if the salary was good? What if you really believed in the work? Would you still do it?