Dear Santa, I Would Like a Job

Dear Santa,

For Christmas this year, I would like a job.

It can be 9 - 5, and in front of a computer, and if so, I’d like the computer to have a big red bow when I arrive at my desk.  If it’s at a restaurant with night shifts, please make sure they upgrade me to a waitress in less than 3 months.

I’ve been extra sweet this year, and did an entire year of community service in Africa. I added 4 more months, so that should make me in the top 10, 000  out of the 4 billion on your “Nice” list. (As a reminder, I go back to the States in April, so I can’t accept anything until then.)

You will notice that next to the chocolate-chip cookies, I made chocolate-mint cupcakes. I learned how to bake those this year, and I hope that earns me extra brownie points. (Haha, get it?!)

Because I have many bills to pay, which includes the $500 monthly student loan, please make sure the salary is no less than 30K per year. Because I refuse to live with my parents for more than 2 months after I come home from Africa, rent will roughly cost $800 in the city, including utilities. Food per month will be around $500, and I guestimate $200 should be reserved for any extra living expenses, doctor visits, etc.

I am diabetic, so please keep my medical necessities in mind.

(No! I only had 2 cookies and 1 brownie. Puh-lease)

I am also prone to cavities, and fillings are very expensive.

(Yes, fine, 2 brownies.)

Anyway, bills add up to $2,000 per month - and I need to make sure I save at least $500 per month for future travels and my Roth 401(k) Retirement account.

I know you’ve been watching, but remember when I created that Leadership Program? And how much self confidence and personal development those kids gained? Imagine what I can do!

(Are you enjoying the brownies? They are perfect with the milk.)

I hope you will grant me my wish, and not let me sit at home in front of a computer sending resume after resume.  I will surely be depressed (picture all those rejections!) and lose all productivity: eat too many Doritos, drink too much Bud, never run, sleep for an ungodly 16 hours … All the while questioning my self worth and value.  All that I had gained in Africa would diminish! “You don’t have enough corporate experience for the real deal,” my mind will say. “Go get a beer and relax into the unqualified twit you are.”

You don’t want me to suffer through this, do you?  You know I’m worth millions and can impact so many lives! They just don’t know it yet, which is where you come in ...

I love you very much Santa. Please remember me and my endeavors; you know I won’t let you down.

Say hello to Mrs. Clause for me, and a big hug to Rudolph.

Love,
Hana