Where You Go Defines Who You Become

A fork in the road. If you go left, you will meet Scarecrow. You'll discover he has a brain after all and feel smarter yourself. If you go right, you'll fall into a rabbit hole. Johnny Depp, face painted white, will ask you to join him for tea.

There are times in life where you make major decisions that influence who you meet, what you do, and who you become. Like college. Or taking a job in Chicago. Or quitting your job to travel to Costa Rica.

I say, believe in your gut. Make decisions that are true to your heart, that will challenge you to create the being you want to become. Outcomes are usually surprises, but you will learn the most from the unexpected.

The HELP HANAKO GO TO AFRICA Fund

Dear Friends, Strangers, and Soon-To-Be-Friends:

AS THE TITLE OF THIS BLOG POST SUGGESTS - I WOULD LIKE YOU TO DONATE and/or BUY WINE TO HELP ME GO TO AFRICA

You probably were directed to this site because a friend asked you to. Or because you saw it on my Facebook, or because you were super bored and clicked "Next" on Blogspot.

Whatever way, thank you for clicking.

I am a 23 year old woman/girl. I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. (Thank you Britney).

I believe I'm stuck in this awkward in-between because I have a lot to experience before I consider myself an adult. And as part of this lovely growth process, one of my goals (besides gray hair) is to travel.

WeLL.


I have been given an opportunity to go to TANZANIA, AFRICA

"What's that?" you ask?

Here's a map:

YAY.

Now you're cultured.

I am going to be an ASSISTANT PE TEACHER at

 It is located in Arusha, a city 8 hours drive northeast of Dar es Salaam, the capital of Tanzania.

Omg, now you're super cultured.

The School of. St. Jude is Super Cool. It takes poverty-ridden kids who are the brightest / show huge potential, and focuses on building them to become FUTURE LEADERS OF TANZANIA. Meaning, they are aiming to groom government officials, presidents, NGO leaders, computer scientists, OF TANZANIA - NOT of the US, or Australia, or the UK. Brain Drain is a No-No.

Here's their website:     http://www.schoolofstjude.co.tz/Home/tabid/198/Default.aspx



Each kid gets to attend this school for free. Most, if not all, are sponsored. Everything is taught in English - to maintain their ability to become trilingual (Swahili, family/tribal language, then of course - the language for world communication). Integrity is a must - and anyone who lies, cheats, steals, or shows dishonesty is kicked out without a second chance.

SO YEA - they're awesome.

Here's the Problem.

I am a 23 woman/girl.

I graduated a private 4 year institution called Trinity College.

The education I received was amazing, but I couldn't pay for it all in one-go. So I owe Sallie Mae and Wells Fargo a load of cha-ching $ cha-ching.

They cannot defer my loans because St. Jude's is not like the Peace Corps in that it's not government funded.

Therefore, I need your help, to help me, help this school, fighting gray hair, and inspiring children's lives with soccer balls. I will be gone for one year.  

So here is my PITCH.

I would like YOU and your FRIENDS to  DONATE TO MY CAUSE or PURCHASE my mother and father's WINE 

My father and mother live out in Escondido, California. 5 years ago, they decided to dig a bunch of holes in the ground, grow some grape vines, and pop bottles.

The result?

That's my dog. He's a blue-merle Australian Shepherd - hence the name of our winery.

Website: http://www.winemakersjournal.com/bluemerlewinery.html
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/bluemerlewinery

You can also read various stories off of my Dad's Blog: http://winemakersjournal.blogspot.com/

I myself have helped prune vines, pick grapes, cork bottles, run after birds, and chase gophers off our property.


ANYWAY:

I would like YOU and your FRIENDS to DONATE TO MY CAUSE or PURCHASE my mother and father's WINE 

Did I say that already? 

Sorry.

DONATIONS 
& 
GROSS PROFITS 
WILL FUND MY TRIP TO AFRICA


ANYTHING OVER 
WILL GO 
TO SCHOOL of ST. JUDE

TO PURCHASE:

Simply go to

http://www.alliancewarehouse.com/foodbeverages.html

DONATIONS 

Anything is truly appreciated. Everything counts!

That's me. And my dog. Chillin' like Villains.

MY GOAL

So, if your church needs wine, or you're on a quest to make Julia Child's Coq au Vin, or you want to help me make a difference in kid's lives:

Questions?

Please don't hesitate

Contact me at hanakojustice@gmail.com

I APPRECIATE YOUR HELP

Or at least your consideration.

THANK YOU

Interested in becoming a sponsor at St. Jude's? If you sponsor a kid you get to write them letters and send gifts! They'll write you back, show you what rewards they've earned, and send photos of themselves!
CLICK HERE 

Buying Your First Car

Some Things You Should Know

1 - Purchasing a car is not a one day "oh my god I just bought a car! hurray!" thing

* I paid for the car on September 1st

* I registered the car at the DMV on September 12th

* You pay the DMV $$$. Taxes, or something.

2 - The car cannot be in your name until you get the smog checked.

* smog checks are required by the previous owner

* I didn't know that

* They had done that, but I didn't have the proof for the DMV

* So I got a smog check on September 13th.

3 - You need to buy car insurance
* there are different kinds with different prices
* go with the cheapest and most crucial: (i.e - collision)

No I did not get hassled by a car salesman.

No I did not have to haggle, or walk away pretending I didn't want the car - just so I could get a lower price.

I did buy it used, and I did buy it from someone I know.

Someone I know quite well, who gave me the car at a lower price than he wanted, just because he loves me.

On some level.

As a roommate.

An alternate sister.

As his sister's best friend.

Anyway -

I did purchase the car with my own money.

With a savings account I didn't know I had.

4. SAVE. THEN FORGET ABOUT IT, THEN USE IT IN DIRE NEED

I named the car "Puppy"

My First Resignation

I resigned for the very first time. Something I never thought I'd have to do. Now when I fill out applications, and there's the portion that says "Reason for Leaving" - I have to fit the story in bullet points:

-Miscommunication and Misunderstanding

-Disregard for my Hard Work.

It was a big lesson in Being Taken Advantage Of - to say the least.

I took a job at a local Mom and Pop restaurant. As a Hostess/Food runner/Dishwasher/Busser, I was working 15 hours per week, earning minimum wage, and receiving no tips. "All the money's going back to the restaurant," they said. Mind you, they bought a pitbull a week later.

After a couple walked out of our restaurant because my boss/only waitress on staff was too busy with other clients - she and her husband/chef still didn't want to train me to be a waitress. What they did instead was send me an email accusing me of unprofessionalism.

"You're supposed to sit the clients down when they come into the restaurant. You're an unprofessional little girl who doesn't know what she's doing," typed the chef.

"Oh really?" I thought, as I was reading this ridiculous email. "The rule, as your wife told me, is NEVER sit clients unless I know she can get to them."

"You're unprofessional. You don't deserve tips, and you don't deserve being a waitress."

"Oh really???" (This is when steam blew out of my nose.) "That couple walked out because we only have ONE waitress on staff. Besides, isn't it unprofessional on your behalf sending me an email full of accusations without hearing my side of the story?"

It took me 4 days re-reading this email, weighing consequences, and deciding what was best. But it was clear this place was walking all over me. I was their little elf, doing the grunt work, never to be rewarded. And I was done putting up with the fact that what I deserved was going into dog food. And so - I QUIT.

It has been one of the best things I've done for myself. I got rid of an environment that held me back and weighed me down. As my friend's mom put it: "You need to get rid of this negative energy. You're still there, which is why you can't find anything better. Get rid of them, and you will find a place that will feel your freedom, and they will want you."

So I went out to promote myself. I even bought two new pairs of work shoes, because as my own mother says, "Buy the shoes, the job will come."

In two weeks I had five interviews, and was offered two positions. I chose Extraordinary Desserts. http://extraordinarydesserts.com/desserts.htm. They were on Food Network for their Dulce de Leche cake on "The Best Thing I've Ever Ate." I start tomorrow, and I am PUMPED.

Life is becoming more stable. Good people have surrounded and supported me, and I am grateful for their advice and aid. Things are definitely looking sweeter :)

Happy One Year Anniversary

I remember writing cover letters where the topic sentence started with: “As a recent graduate …”

Now they begin with “A year since …” My god do I feel the gap from my youthful freedom getting larger.

The other night I went line dancing at a place in SD called Incahoots. Though I do not know how to line dance for the life of me, they gave us non-line dancers a moment to shine while they played JLo and Rihanna. My Sunday Co partner-in-crime (Lauren Turner) and I literally brought the house down. People stopped to stare, and those few who dared, joined. It was very JGaff and Douglas Baille for those Trinity folk who know what I'm talking about. Sprinklers and running mans everywhere.

I hadn't danced like that since college. It was like I was going through withdrawal from non-fratting and I finally said "Screw it I'm gonna DANCE." It was maybe the most cathartic moments I have had all year.

That being said, here are a few reflections on my one year anniversary since hitting the Real World:

1) Work study is the smart thing to do. Don't wait to pay off all your loans post-graduation. (trust me, I'm learning the hard way. all the money I made in college went to food and fancy beverages)

2) Effort counts for 90% of what you do. Where there is a will, there is a way. No joke.

3) NETWORK. It is, unfortunately and fortunately, depending on how you look at it - the way the job world works. Knowing someone who will put in a good word for you, or knowing someone who knows someone where you want to work is KEY. Do NOT be afraid to NETWORK. People are more than less willing to HELP YOU, as long as you have a good attitude.

4) If you don't know what you're doing post-graduation, it's okay. I still don't know what I'm going to do. But to help you feel focused - write down goals. There are examples in this blog to help you get started. (see posts "Goals" and "How to Find Your Life Aspiration")

5) TRAVEL ABROAD. I did not do this in college, though I did get to live in NY for a junior semester. I do not necessarily regret my decision, (I don't like to use the term "regret" because I don't believe in that philosophy) but I do wish I had done it. I thought it'd be easy for me to do after graduation, but it is harder than I thought.

6) SAVE MONEY. Start this your freshman year of college, if not before. Open an account that you can use post-graduating. Save, save, save. Put 10% of each paycheck from either your college job or summer job. This will come in handy when you need a car, apartment, or travel money after receiving your diploma. I did not do this. I wish I was smarter back then.

7) You are going to feel discouraged. "What?" you ask. I'm being real. You will get rejected from jobs. A lot of people do not land their dream job after college. They become discouraged, thinking they aren't good enough. But guess what. You're not a loser, and you're not alone. You may have 6 jobs before you finally land the perfect one. Hell I've had 6 jobs plus (paid or not) in ONE YEAR.

8) Take classes that have always interested you. I would have never known I was a skilled oil painter. (I took that class out of desperation so I didn't have to be stuck at home 24/7).

9) It is VERY hard to visit your friends once you have a job. Sad Panda

10) Adults, you realize, are not really adults anymore. It doesn't matter if people are 24 or 78 - you realize that age is just a number and personalities defines the character. I have friends who are 48.

11) DANCE

Congratulations to all the wonderful and amazing people who just graduated from their institutions. Welcome to Life Will Work Out.

Love,
Hanako

Goals = What Will I Regret Never Tryin' & Where Am I Happy?

Dear Supporters of LWWO

I was having a hard time writing posts. When I had an idea– it tended to have “pity me” “cry for me” “I want attention” messages strewn within the context. Who wants to keep reading about me feeling depressed and unworthy because I don’t have a job? It gets old.

For the past couple weeks I was pretty unproductive. When I wasn’t substitute teaching, I stayed at home and dwindled hours on email and facebook. Or I’d make plans with my friends, saving the job search for “later” which really became “never.”

But then two days ago, after feeling the guilt build up in my belly, my belly yelled at me. “FOCUS!” it bellowed. (Tee hee, my belly bellowed).

So I made 2 lists.

WHAT WILL I REGRET IF I NEVER TRY BEFORE I DIE?
-Traveling to Europe, Canada (Vancouver definitely), Australia, Seattle, Chicago, and Oregon to see if I want to live in those places

-To attempt the acting lifestyle in Los Angles (even if it’s for 6 months). If I never do it, I’ll never know.

-To find and live where my heart and mind truly belong

-To be in a developing country for a period of time (3 months minimum) doing service work. This is either implementing my own improvisation/theater/athletic/nutrition development/life skill program OR working with an organization doing community service with youth which aligns with my ideals

-Act in a theatrical production on a stage with semi-professional/professional actors

-Directing a performance of my own

-Directing a performance of another playwright

-To isolate myself in nature for a couple-few days (2-3 days minimum). I believe it’s good for the soul. (Bahaha.)

-To be in Japan for a period of time (3 months minimum, but longer would be nice. A year maybe?). Preferably with my mother.

-To work with inner-city youth here in the US and implement my own improvisation/theater/ athletic/nutrition development/life skill program or work with an organization that models with my beliefs

WHERE AM I TRULY HAPPY?
-Nature/Outdoors.

-In the theater

-Post a good performance

-Improv practice

-Watching improv

-Post good improv shows

-Motivating my kids in practice and at meets

-Mentoring kids with organization, academics, and developmental/life skills

-Running

-Seeing others accomplish their goals, especially when I gave them guidance

-Seeing others grow/have revelations about their growth, especially with my guidance

-Those rare perfect moments that happen when I’m listening to music, out in nature, or driving in my car

-Eating great food

With these two lists, I combined the overlaps to determine

GOALS

-To be a performer. This includes comedy and theatrical performances.

-To implement a project to help youth/people gain life skills through creative means. Both in the US and a developing country

HURRAY! My belly isn’t so mad at me anymore.

Now - YOU TRY

What A Parent Wants

Back in the day, when I was little, Papa Justice wanted me to:

-go to Duke
-be happy
-and successful
-and do whatever I loved

Back in the day, when I was little, Mama Justice wanted me to:

-become a doctor
-go to Harvard
-or Yale
-have a lot of money
-and buy her a pink limousine

WELL

1) I went to a small private institution that my parents knew nothing of (as all West Coast people don't)
2) I majored in Theater
3) I currently make a very minor income as a sub and tutor

Today, Papa Justice wants me to:

-become famous on youtube
-prune vines
-earn 3K/month
-and be happy

Today, Mama Justice wants me to:

-go to Medical School
-move out
-and buy her a pink limousine

Dating 201: Long Distance Relationships

Many of my friends in college have been maintaining long distance relationships since graduation. That is roughly 9 months of phone calls, skyping, texting, and planning trips for rekindling and reconnection. No more dorm rooms and sexiling roommates.

I am in awe by the commitment. I admire their will and desire to maintain a loving relationship while they sort out their individual lives.

Friend #1. Location = New Orleans. Dating ~ 9 months with boy in Boston.
Unemployed. Went to Korea, now working part time at a Gym. Applying to jobs. Soon moving to Philadelphia.

Friend #2. Location = DC. Open relationship ~ on and off 4 years with boy in Hartford.
Paralegal.

Friend #3. Location = Nashville. Dating ~ on and off 3 years with boy in New York
Intern in Hartford, then unemployed for a month. Moved to Nashville to do psychology research.

Here they are, doing what they love or figuring things out and AT THE SAME TIME are maintaining a relationship.

What is the secret? Is it the strength of the relationship prior to the distance? Is it the love and connection that is unbound by nothing?

I like using them as examples because it is what I couldn’t do. After one month of long distance post college, a month of pure torture in applications, resumes, and rejection – my relationship was not a priority. It became a side dish, the peas you pick out and toy with your fork. I wanted space, he wanted verbal support. I wanted to configure my life plan alone, he wanted to share. I finally threw the peas away because I was done force-feeding what added very little accent to my unfinished main course.

I know, distance or not, you will go through crashes and uncertainty in your life which can affect the relationship you are in. Relationships that last, in my opinion, are ones that are composed of couples who honestly communicate and accommodate/support accordingly. When life takes a turn, you need someone who will understand how you recuperate. Depending on each person, it can be leaving them alone, it can be companionship; it can be advice and research, it can be solely listening.

My friends are at a point in their lives where they can execute self-growth and balance a relationship at the same time. They are accommodated for in their desired ways and in the way they deserve.

I, the Creole Aubergine, am still baking in the oven to solidify the aroma and flavor of who I am. The side dish will be determined post baking. Or, because I’m classy, let’s make that wine. I am very, very happily cookin' - good lookin'.

Happy Valentine's Day <3

What Now?

My good friend said to me, “You’re acting as if you’re defeated.”
“You’re right,” I said.
She furrowed her eyebrows.
“Stop.”

Two of my good friends just came home from their respectable institutions. One finished Northeastern, the other finished an internship with the Red Sox. Both back in San Diego, they have been applying and searching and sharing information. Though they are overwhelmed and ask, “What now?” - they are proactive and prepare themselves to answer that question as soon as possible.

When I ask myself “What now?” nothing jumps at me. There is a listlessness, this lethargic … satisfaction in my current state. This dull disinclination to employ myself. (Thank you Emma). And I am jealous of my fresh-out-of-college/jobs friends who are talented, motivated, and focused.

Deep in my heart I know there is so much for me to do, so much I know I can do, and yet I do not know how to get there, and therefore cannot grasp any excitement to drive me towards those goals.

Truth is, we all want results at the snap of our fingers. SNAP – there’s my pot of gold. CLAP – look I’m saving children in Africa.

But obviously it doesn’t work that way. You have to find the transportation, gold digging equipment, and prime location in Sacramento to pan for gold. You need to research the NGO, buy the plane ticket, and get the Hep B shot before you save lives in Tanzania.

Reality = steps.

To conquer defeat: My Big Bro D – a gentleman from my improv group – says to break down your goals so they seem more tangible. What do you want to accomplish in a year? In three months? In one month? If you work backwards, you’ll have a better sense of how you can accomplish a year’s goal step by step, month by month, and therefore day by day.

Exhibit A:
I will pay off my $X student loans this year. To do so I am going to get a job by the end of this month, so everyday this week I am going to submit a resume. And so on.

This post itself is kicking my butt and telling me to get going.

In the meantime, I am going to give a shoutout to EMMA and all the people involved. (Playing at the Old Globe Theatre in San Diego until March 6th). Thank you for showing me I am meant to be in theat-ah.

To 1/1/11!

Raise Your Glass (as Pink says), to 2011

It is a New Year, full of hope for new accomplishments and making life work out.

My New Years Resolution list does not consist of curt statements such as:

-lose 10 pounds
-get a real job
-be nice

Why set such specifics when I know in reality I can gain 10 and lose 10 in 2 weeks time? What does "real" job really mean? And hey, it's okay if I need to be a bitch sometimes.

I set open-minded goal-oriented resolutions such as:

-keep sending out resumes to prospective employers. Concentrate more energy on putting myself out there
-try to eat healthy and exercise where I feel content with my body. I know I'm not always going to be perfect, but work on being more conscious of bad habits and laziness
-tell my parents that I love them and appreciate them more often
-dive into my passions and don't get distracted. If I want to do improv, DO IT. If I want to write, DO IT. Find the means to do it because I CAN

For me, resolution writing gets my upcoming year's insecurities and worries out on paper. Then I find a way to remind and motivate myself of what I want and what I need to do. It's quite therapeutic. A boost in many ways. It's an excuse to sit down and get out of my head.

Anyway, happy new year =)

Resolution #27
-keep blog updated twice a month

Love, Hypocritical H-ko